In my life I have been a firefighter and the one thing always engraved in my mind has been to "Never leave your partner behind especially in a fire". Well my training and thoughts have been challenged this year with a massive roller coaster ride for me. My husband and I were married 19 May, 2009 and didn't even last a year before he walked out in Jan and in less than 2 weeks moved in with a chic he barely knew. The beginning of our marriage was rough because he would stay awake while I slept and go sleep with other women along with watching porn or even watching nude ladies on the internet. I was destroyed when he told me the details of his encounter on 1 Jan, 2010 as we had just rang in the New Year then I went to sleep. 9 Jan, 2010 we said good-bye but I didnt know that he was leaving me until the destructive call he made to me about the new chic. She made life miserable for me because to my face she said she wanted him to work on his marriage, but behind my back she did EVERYTHING to make sure he would not come back including threatening suicide. For 10 months my husband would not talk to me and if he did I would get yelled at, treated like dirt and even called the other chics name. He even had divorce papers written up except that he got my name wrong on them too. For months I was mommy and daddy to my little girl and everytime she asked for Daddy my heart broke. With almost a year without him was soon to arrive things would change for me. Out of the blue I saw him again the Sunday before Thanksgiving and it seems like finally we have a chance once again. For me I knew the first step would be to talk, see where things went wrong and what needed to change for us to be happy again. Although he made the decisions he made I have decided that i need to change somethings about myself as well if our marriage will work.
I NEVER expected the road to fixing our marriage to be easy but Day 1 was extremely tough because I have always been a defensive person who will say any thing to try and protective myself. For the past week I have been bringing up the other chic and doing everything I can to hurt him and make sure he knows exactly how I felt by what he did to me even though we are trying to start new. Today there have been several times when I have wanted to say something hurtful or try and start a fight even though there is no reason for it. It is easy to say hurtful things but it is hard to hold your cool and not vent. Although this is needed I know it will not be easy to get past the hurt and pain, but for the best in our marriage we need to.
Patience is a needed virtue in today's world. So many times we are told to speak our mind regardless of what the end result might be. Today I have wanted to say things that will hurt him and hit hard after what he did. It does make things better to say those things, but it does feel nice not to blow up at him even when he has said something that I don't agree with. in the past we have had a major issue with us fighting and arguing all the time which helped push us apart and him into someone elses arms. When I hold my tongue it makes me smile knowing I am making a positive change.
Charity D. Wooten-Fleck
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